[Raenel]

OLD BILBO: You might have formerly thought my adventures would make a rather short book. In fact, it was more like three quite substantial movies.

<...>
FLASHBACK TO FORTRESS, MANNED BY HANDSOME DWARF PRINCE, ATTACKED BY DRAGON.
OLD BILBO: And then they saw unleashed a blast of unrivalled and relentless hotness.
AUDIENCE: Well, he is VERY attractive.
AUDIENCE: Oh. Oh you meant the dragon, right, our bad…
<...>
THRANDUIL KING OF THE ELVES: We should go help our sworn allies, the dwarves. That’s why I came wearing my shiny battle tiara!
<...>
OLD BILBO: And Thorin never forgave. And he never forgot. And he never got any less dreamy.
<...>
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: I would have arrived earlier but frankly you were juggling plates and singing about the washing up and I’m not in for that.
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: So I stood around outside letting the rain wash down my chiseled profile, staring out into the night and thinking about my dark past, as is my way.
<...>
GANDALF: Take a hit off my pipe, Radagast. Yeah, these movies make a LOT more sense when you know I’m high literally the whole time, don’t they?
<...>
SARUMAN: I’m also here, your noble and incorruptible leader, Saruman The Totally Not Evil.
<...>
BILBO: *pretty reasonably, falls off moving cliff*
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: *rescues him*
AUDIENCE: Thorin Dreamboatshield, you–you DID SOMETHING! Like, in the present! You did something, yes you did, yes you did!
<...>
DWARF WITH THE FUNNY HAT: I wish you all the luck in the world, Bilbo.
BILBO: And I wish you dwarves could’ve mentioned your names a bit more frequently, because I feel like this is a very warm and special moment between us, Dwarf With The Funny Hat.
<...>
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: Get into the trees! Orcs and the giant magic wolves they ride on can’t climb!
CAPTAIN HORC: Of course we can. I mean, we all have hands? I mean, MOST OF US have TWO hands, THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD.
<...>
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: dun dun dun!
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: running through the fire, wind in his hair!
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: his hair doesn’t go on fire because he’s just that man–dwarfly.
THORIN DREAMBOATSHIELD: dun dun dun!
<...>
FILI AND KILI: What a dwarf!
BALIN: His hair, his hair falls perfectly without him tryin’/He’s so beautiful/And I tell him every day
FILI AND KILI AND BALIN: If perfect’s what you’re searching for/Then just stay the same! When I see your face/There’s not a thing that I would change/ ‘Cause girl you’re amazing!
GANDALF: Does anyone want to go back Thorin up?
DWARVES IN THE TREE: Um, duh? We are Thorin’s back-up. We’re his back-up dancers.
GANDALF: This misunderstanding explains a lot. (c)

sarahtales.livejournal.com/206439.html